Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
