i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Even my vagina gasped.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
