I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
