It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
