didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
