shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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