wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
