8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
