It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize