I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
