I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
