My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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