She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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