I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
