worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
