If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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