There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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