you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
