I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
