I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
