Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
