Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i dont even know how to be here
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
