Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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