K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
