According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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