I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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