my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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