I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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