Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
