this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
