smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I look better un-naked...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
