can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
