I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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