Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
