none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
