Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
