Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
