This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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