just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
