I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
