Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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