did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
