Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
