that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
