I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
