Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
