Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
