i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
