my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
