And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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